The Family Court Keeps Sending Us to Counselling: I Feel Unsafe

You can tell the Family Court that repeated family court counselling is exposing you to threats or has ceased to be useful, and ask for specific safety arrangements and a decision on the pending case. The court has a duty to explore settlement where appropriate. That duty does not require you to agree to a reunion, sign a settlement or meet your spouse privately.

Part of the family and divorce law practice at S Jain & Attorneys, Bangalore.

Before the next date, prepare a one-page request with the dates of earlier sessions, what safety incident occurred, any existing protection order, the arrangement you want for the next session, and which urgent application is awaiting a decision. Ask the court to record the directions. Do not simply stop attending while a personal-attendance order remains in force.

Key takeaway. You can distinguish willingness to comply with court procedure from willingness to resume the marriage. Ask for an arrangement that permits lawful participation without unsafe personal contact.

Does repeated family court counselling mean I must reconcile?

No. A court-directed attempt at reconciliation does not itself establish your consent to reconcile. Section 9 of the Family Courts Act, 1984 requires the court initially to assist settlement where possible consistently with the nature and circumstances of the case. It allows an adjournment at a later stage where a reasonable possibility of settlement appears.

Those qualifications are important. The provision is not a mechanical instruction that every couple must repeatedly sit together regardless of risk, previous attempts or the issues requiring adjudication. The court must exercise judgment on the case before it. A useful application explains why the proposed form of interaction is unsafe or why another adjournment lacks a realistic settlement purpose.

In Hindu Marriage Act proceedings, Section 23 also addresses reconciliation. Section 23(3) permits a specified referral with a reasonable adjournment not exceeding fifteen days. Do not describe that provision as a universal fifteen-day cap on all family counselling, because Section 9 of the Family Courts Act contains its own adjournment power. Identify the actual source and terms of the direction in your case.

The immediate objective is a clear court record. You might be open to negotiating money or parenting arrangements while firmly refusing to return to the shared home. Say that. A refusal to resume cohabitation and a refusal to discuss every possible issue are different positions, and accurately distinguishing them can make the next direction more useful.

Keep three decisions separate when you explain your position:

What should I put in a safety request?

Describe conduct, dates and the requested protection rather than relying only on the word unsafe. A threat made outside the counselling room, repeated unwanted calls after a session or pressure to travel home together calls for a different response from disagreement during a supervised discussion.

Attach the relevant evidence you lawfully possess: messages, a complaint acknowledgement, medical records where relevant, an existing protection order or a short dated incident note. Explain who was present. Do not ask the counsellor to decide an entire criminal allegation during a scheduling discussion, and do not include intimate material that is unnecessary to explain the immediate risk.

Possible requests include separate waiting areas, staggered arrival and departure, communication through the counsellor, separate sessions or an application for permitted remote participation. These are requests for case-specific directions, not automatic national entitlements. State which measure solves the identified problem and how it would still allow the session's purpose to be served.

If there is already an order limiting contact, attach the operative part and ask how the proposed counselling arrangement will comply with it. Neither party should invent an informal exception on the assumption that a reconciliation referral overrides every existing restraint. If clarification or variation is needed, seek it from the competent court.

A short proposed paragraph can help: I remain available to comply with the court's directions. In view of the incident on [date] and the order dated [date], I request separate attendance arrangements and no unsupervised contact. I also request a decision on the pending application for [relief]. The wording must be adapted to the facts and should not assert events you cannot honestly verify.

Can I refuse another private meeting with my spouse?

You do not have to accept an informal private meeting merely because the other person says the counsellor expects it. Check what the court or counselling authority actually directed. A request from a relative, an advocate or your spouse is not automatically a court order.

Tell your advocate and the counselling service that you will communicate through the authorised process. Keep the response brief and factual. Where safety is disputed, a written request for separate interaction is generally more useful than a heated exchange about who is being unreasonable. It creates something the court can assess and act on.

If the judicial order expressly requires your attendance, seek a suitable modification or protective arrangement before the date wherever possible. An unanswered email to the other party does not alter the order. If an immediate threat prevents attendance, inform the court through the proper channel promptly and preserve evidence explaining what happened.

There is also a difference between a Family Court session and counselling directed in domestic-violence proceedings. Section 14 of the Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act, 2005 allows counselling, singly or jointly, before a suitably qualified service-provider member. The power is not a condition that the woman must return to the respondent before protective relief can be considered. Ask which proceeding generated the referral.

How do I ask the court to stop repeated adjournments?

Show the sequence of attempts and identify the decision that has been delayed. A dated schedule lets the judge distinguish a realistic final effort from a recurring postponement with no defined purpose.

List each referral date, whether both parties attended, whether the session concluded and the next judicial date. Avoid disclosing confidential bargaining positions merely to prove that settlement failed. The fact that sessions occurred, together with the service's permissible outcome report or court order, may be enough to explain why adjudication should resume.

Ask for a concrete next step: hearing an interim support application, deciding an evidence request or fixing dates for examination of witnesses. A blanket demand that the court immediately grant divorce because mediation failed misstates the law. In a contested case, the pleaded ground still requires proof. Failed settlement removes no statutory requirement.

Section 21B of the Hindu Marriage Act requires expeditious trial and sets an endeavour to conclude trial within six months from service of notice. It is not an automatic expiry date or a guarantee that the court will finish your case in that time. It supports a properly reasoned request for progress, especially where the order sheet records repeated avoidable delay.

If the court declines to progress an urgent matter, obtain the reasoned order and advice on the appropriate challenge. The route depends on the order and governing law. An unhappy party should not assume that every scheduling order can be appealed as a final judgment. Our guide to challenging Family Court orders explains why classification matters.

Must maintenance or protection wait until counselling ends?

Do not treat counselling as a reason to leave an urgent application unidentified and unheard. Ask separately for the interim relief the relevant statute permits, supported by its own evidence.

For support during HMA proceedings, Section 24 provides for litigation expenses and monthly support where the statutory conditions are met. Its proviso speaks of disposing of the application, as far as possible, within sixty days of service. That is an endeavour, not automatic payment on day sixty. Ask for a hearing based on the application, disclosure and needs rather than assuming a counselling session will produce an enforceable amount.

For an aggrieved woman invoking the Domestic Violence Act, Sections 18 and 23 concern protection and interim relief. Section 26 also permits specified reliefs under Sections 18 to 22 to be sought in an appropriate existing legal proceeding, subject to its requirements. Whether to apply there or before the Magistrate must be considered with the current cases and relief already obtained. Disclose parallel orders to avoid contradictory directions or duplicated recovery.

Keep safety and money requests intelligible. A request for rent should identify the amount and evidence. A request limiting contact should describe the risk and proposed boundary. Do not expect the judge to extract both from a long narrative about why the marriage failed.

The separate guides to delayed interim maintenance and protection orders address those remedies. Here the practical point is to ask for their consideration explicitly while the court determines whether more settlement work serves any purpose.

Common mistake. Agreeing to an adjournment described as for settlement without recording that urgent protection or support still needs a decision. Specify both matters in the request and check the resulting order.

What can the counsellor record about my refusal?

The permissible report and confidentiality rules depend on the process and applicable court rules. Ask at the start how attendance, outcome and communications will be recorded. Do not assume that everything said to every person described as a counsellor has the same legal protection.

Keep your position accurate. You can say that you do not consent to reunion, identify the safety arrangements you need, and state whether any limited settlement discussion remains possible. Avoid signing a report that incorrectly records agreement, withdrawal of allegations or acceptance of financial terms.

If the written record does not reflect what you said, raise the discrepancy promptly through the appropriate channel. Ask for a copy where the rules permit and identify the precise sentence requiring correction. A specific request is easier to resolve than a general accusation that the entire process was biased.

In-camera treatment is another protection with a distinct purpose. Section 11 of the Family Courts Act requires proceedings to be held in camera if either party so desires. HMA proceedings also have the specific protection in Section 22. These provisions concern privacy of proceedings. They do not automatically decide whether a particular counselling communication may be used within the litigation.

Separate disagreement from danger. A session may be uncomfortable without being unsafe, while a short, apparently polite encounter can involve a documented threat outside the room. The application should explain the second problem precisely, without depending on the court to infer it from a refusal to reconcile.

Before leaving the next hearing, check what has actually been ordered:

What should I do for the next counselling date?

Prepare a limited application directed to safe participation and progress. Keep copies of your existing orders accessible, and use the court's approved process for seeking changes.

1. Read the latest attendance and counselling directions.
2. Make a dated list of earlier sessions and any relevant safety incident.
3. Attach only the documents necessary to explain the requested arrangement.
4. State clearly whether reunion is refused and whether any limited issues remain negotiable.
5. Ask for separate consideration of urgent pending relief.
6. Check the signed order and comply with it unless it is changed by a competent court.

There is no national entitlement to a fixed number of counselling sessions, no universal fee for a safety application and no guaranteed end date. Local rules and the facts govern. The immediate measure of progress is a clear, workable direction that addresses the identified risk and the next judicial decision.

Frequently Asked Questions

This article is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute legal advice. Consult a qualified advocate for advice on your specific situation.

Related Guides

See the family and divorce practice and criminal law practice for the distinct proceedings that may arise.

• Family settlement processes
• When interim support remains undecided
• Protection-order requests